Sometimes
I think I may rename this blog to “Confessions of a Florida
Herbalist.” Not really, it's just that I seem to open up and
confess a lot of myself here. This post I'm confessing that I am a
metalhead. Yes. I listen to metal music. The more aggressive, the
better. I don't always look like it, and my personality doesn’t
always come off as being very metal. But I am. A lot of people, upon
finding this little fact out, ask me how I can listen to music that
is so full of anger and aggression and retain my “chill” and
composure. It's simple really. Metal music helps channel out my
negative emotions so that I can better interact with the
world-at-large without wanting to strangle people. And that's what I
want to share with you today. How to accept negative emotions and not
fear them or let them end up running your life.
American
culture seems to be all about getting rid of negativity. Almost every
January I hear/read about people's New Year's resolutions to get rid
of all the negativity in their lives. Everyone is focusing on the
positive and not leaving any space for the negative. Unfortunately I
believe this is contributing to the problem rather than helping. I
recently had an elderly friend who was told by his doctor that he
might have a year left, if he's lucky, and there's nothing that
modern medicine can do. When this information was passed on to his
wife and friends, the response was always some variant of “well
doctors don't know everything, you have years left if you stay
positive and motivated.” Well, this is not the response he wanted
to hear. He understood that there was always a chance to beat the
odds. What he needed and wanted was help to get himself and his
family ready in case he didn't beat those odds. No one acknowledged
the real chance that he might die, any day, but most likely on a day
within this year. Everyone just ignored that possibility and pushed
on to “stay positive.” It's not just his situation either. Every
day I see more and more positive statements and encounter people who
ignore the negative. We, as a culture, are forgetting how to cope.
Coping
mechanisms are vital to life. They help us accept that bad things
happen. They help us to work through hard times and grow as an
individual. Without coping mechanisms, we don't work through
negativity, we just bottle it up and push it down. When we don't deal
with our “darker” emotions, we begin a life ruled by avoidance
and occasionally those emotions we are avoiding will creep out in
unexpected ways.
Everyone
has different and unique ways to deal and cope with hard times and
dark emotions. However, the journey to learning how you best deal
with these emotions is fairly similar for everyone.
Step 1: Stop Judging Yourself Because of Negative Emotions
A
lot of people are afraid of these negative emotions. Afraid of the
pain. Afraid of the stigma. Understand that having these emotions is
normal. You can be sad without being clinically depressed. You can
have mood swings without being bipolar. You can feel anxious without
having anxiety. These emotions are an important part of life and
everyone experiences them. They are not bad. They, in and of
themselves, do not indicate a problem. Stop judging yourself for
having them.
Step
2: Identify the Emotion
Once
you are aware that these feelings are normal, stop and identify them
before you react. When you experience the pain, fear, anxiety, anger,
etc, take a moment and think about it. Understand what you are
feeling and why you are feeling that way. Take a moment to
acknowledge that you are feeling sad and why you are sad before
pushing it aside and forcing yourself to “be happy.” Be in the
moment with your emotions.
Step 3: Accept Your Emotions
Once
you have identified the emotion and identified the cause of the
emotion, you now need to accept and release that emotion. Don't hold
on to it. Embrace the emotion and then release it. When you embrace
your emotions, you are not controlled by them. You understand that
you are not your anger, embarrassment, shame, guilt, sadness,
anxiety, etc. You feel these emotions, but they do not define you.
Step
4: Welcome The Impermanence of Emotion
Emotions
come and go. Welcome them, embrace them, and let them go. Don't hold
on to them. Be in the moment, don't live in the past. Often when we
experience these negative emotions, our brains replay them over and
over again. We analyze what we did, and torture ourselves for what we
didn't do. Stop. When you do that, you are not releasing the emotion,
you are being consumed by it. Stop playing the “what if” game,
stop dwelling on things you cannot control, stop thinking about all
the ways a certain thing is destined to “go wrong.” Understand
that you have experienced an emotion and that emotions are not
permanent. Address the emotion and let it go so that it does not take
over. Understand that you will feel them again, and welcome when they
come, but don't hang on to them.
Step 5: Release Your Emotions
Once
you realize that you are not your emotions, you can safely release
them. Whether it's by venting into a creative outlet, talking to a
good friend about it, meditation, prayer, gardening, physical
exertion, or just turning up your favorite song and singing along.
Everyone has their own way of releasing these emotions. Some people
even have multiple ways. Find what works for you.
Step
6: Find a Balance
The
negative emotions are only part of your emotional spectrum. Use these
same steps for the positive emotions as well. We don't necessarily
want to let go of our happiness, pride, and other good feelings.
However, when we hang on to them, the negative emotions seem all that
much darker. They can also blind you to very real possibilities of
things such as failure. Balance in all things, including emotions, is
key to staying healthy and in harmony with yourself.
I hope I have provided
a little help and support for your negative emotions. If you have
any questions or comments please leave them below.
Resources:
Accepting Your Darkest
Emotions Is The Key To Psychological Health: Quartz Media:
https://qz.com/1034450/accepting-your-darkest-emotions-is-the-key-to-psychological-health/
Are You Afraid of Your
Negative Emotions?: Nerdy Creator:
http://www.nerdycreator.com/blog/negative-emotions/
Dealing With Difficult
Emotions: Kids Health:
http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/stressful-feelings.html
Emotional Acceptance, Why
Feeling Bad Is Good: Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201009/emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good
How To Use Mindfulness To
Work With Negative Emotions: Mrs. Mindfulness:
https://mrsmindfulness.com/mindfulness-for-negative-emotions/
Is Accepting Unpleasant
Emotions The Key To Happiness?: Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201708/is-accepting-unpleasant-emotions-the-secret-happiness
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